She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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