Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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