Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
