I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
