yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
