I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
