where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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