I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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