maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Randomize
