Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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