On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
