it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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