my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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