"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
