i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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