my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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