Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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