im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
