If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
