Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
