I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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