i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So apparently I’m into choking now
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