So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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