I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
