I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
