I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
