Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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