Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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