I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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