bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
