No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
