Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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