My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Pants are for mortals
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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