he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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