I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
