my mouth tastes like poor choices
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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