I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
