; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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