he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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