i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
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Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
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The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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