when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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