i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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