I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
