when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
