you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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