I bet he comes in French.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
