remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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