Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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