I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
