is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
