I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
