just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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