i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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