Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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