There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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