Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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