i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
