You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
