Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Randomize
