Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
