remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
