I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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