So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
