Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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