When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
