I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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